Ted's Wed!

(Crock)

Pummeling you with information about the show isn't on my agenda this week. This is due to me not knowing when we'll publish another episode. No, we're not going off the air. There's just other things going on at the moment.

Of these things, the most important is Ted's wedding. You may remember Ted as playing "Fox Collins", our intern from Ron Pipe University during Season 2 of Crock & Murph. His real-life work schedule has always been amazingly awful, grueling and downright unfair, which is why he doesn't appear on the show anymore. However, now isn't the time for reflection, it is time for the wishing of wellness.

While you're reading this, Ted is probably exchanging vows with his wife. Here's to you, Ted. From our family to your new one, we wish you nothing but the best.

Congratulations, Ted.

Crock in the Early Morning

(Crock)

So, today I woke up at about 5am after about 9-10 hours of sleep. I've been really tired lately, so I slept a lot.

We recorded a show last week, so I figure I might as well do something productive instead of watching repeats of SportsCenter.

By 6am (the time I usually wake up) I had the show about 50% completed, but I had to stop in order to get a shower / shave / clothe myself. I still need to edit a bit of it, but it should be done by this evening.

We're scheduled to record a show on Sunday, but that's unlikely to stick, so I reckon next Wednesday will have to do. (The Poison concert is this Wednesday, so we'll have the week off.)

Check SUYM later this evening for an update.

Sweeps Weeks Explained!

(Crock)

Sup, wimps! I've been long considering what the hell I'm gonna do with our lame-ass "Shutupyourmouth Myspace" page. I've arrived at a decision. I'll do nothing with it! There! Short story!

More interesting news has Rollo and I knee deep in the infancy of an idea for a new video. I need to put more effort into it, but it'll come. We're hoping to get many new videos out to you, our beloved and revered viewers, since it is summertime and moving pictures are most certainly in season.

Oh! This is a "Crock & Murph" blog, you say? Well crap. The above doesn't have a lick to do with "Crock & Murph", you say? Double crap. I'll not get away with such inattentiveness or slip one by you, our majestic and glimmering viewers. I'll set to task immediately.

Our latest show was certainly interesting. Murphy gagged somewhere during the second segment (literally, I mean, he was really struggling not to puke --- but he eventually did anyway) because we can't seem to find a guest who will behave. Phillipano Pete seems to be doing pretty well when he hauls himself away from wrestling contracts and whatever else people of his ethnicity do in southwestern Pennsylvania.

Since its officially "Sweeps Weeks" here on Crock & Murph, you can bet you'll get your full dose of characters. That's right. You're going to be force-fed the likes of "Red Scare", "Ronald J. Fairshoe" and "Dumb Donnie" until you're crapping original SUYM ideas. Prepare your pooper.

Sweeps weeks is typically five months long, but due to time constraints we're moving further ahead in the action. That means you'll get 2-3 weeks of solid, 100% pure SUYM thought and conjecture. Will you get unique stories and well-thought-out reporting? Well, you might get unique stories. You certainly won't get anything that has been "well-thought-out".

Some questions have been flying into our mailbox here, and there's too many to answer during this week's edition of the "Lightning Round" so I'm going to unleash them upon you poor folks at this very moment.

Ready?

Go.

---

Question 1:
Now that Murphy's rehab bill is in excess of $25 million, how do you expect him to "right the ship"?
- Anne 30, Waynesburg
A1:
(This works out well, since this obviously can't be a Lightning Round question) Well, what I've come to expect from Murphy -- rehabilitated or otherwise -- is NOTHING at all. I figure this is the best way to not be disappointed in the end. You can probably expect to be ridiculed at some point. Yeah, that's it. Ridicule. That's what I expect. That and a lot of "WHAT!"

---

Question 2:
Piss on Crock & Murph. This shit is seriously the worst thing on the internet. Murphy sounds like a chain-smoking asshole. Is Crock admittedly gay, or what is his deal? You both ass suck.
- Tim B. Pittsburgh
A2:
Great grammar!

---

Welp, that's not all of them, but its certainly enough to keep things interesting. To keep with my inability to stick to "Crock & Murph" topics, I'm also thinking about making some new memoirs this summer. It'll be the first entries since "The Summer of Them Memoirs 2003" - as you can see, long overdue.

-Crock

Hmph

MURPHY

Hello citizens! It is I, beloved and adored MURPHY. Here with another missive for your diatribed asses!

I'd have to say that certain things have been cracking the veneer of yours truly. Motorists, grandmothers, overtipping...you name it. What's the deal? Does the murph-man just need to get laid? Well, the answer to that is always a resounding yes so forget that question. Maybe it's the fact that my pal and your favorite, Crock has really come into his own as a studio host.

I mean, I harken back to the days when I would carry the show with my wit and numerous voices and hilarity. Then when we resurrected the show crock came to me with a RADICAL idea...he wanted his own segment?! What?!

Immediately my heart was crushed and my fangs came out. How dare he demand his own segment? He's supposed to be like those monkeys they train to go into space...pure button pushers, no more no less. Hell, if my religion allowed me to use computers I could probably pull this show off on my own. But anyway, ever since he got his segment (The beloved (blah!) "Crock's Bullshit Minute") he's been spreading his wings and testing his mettle. I think I might have to knock him down a peg (and by Peg I mean this fat girl I'm gonna pay to get him drunk and take home)

Now that I think about it, it's interesting how before Crock's Bullshit Minute, it was Crock's Bullshit Life. I guess we're all making progress

Missing $5

(Crock)

Murph stopped over last night. He came to show me this porn he bought last week --- or so I thought.

While I was distracted by the onslaught of boobs and other such bodyparts, he must have lifted my wallet and stole the last $5 I had to my name.

This morning when I went to work, I checked my wallet and instead of finding money for the coffee I just purchased, I found a note that said: "Got yer $5. Deal with it."

The note wasn't signed or anything, so I can only assume it was Murphy. It was, after all, written in his handwriting.

I guess this means he's gonna renew the hosting for our iTunes service. If not, at least it was an interesting story.

Yeah well, look

(MURPHY MURPHSON OF THE MURPH CLAN)

Well, here's the deal. You may have heard my latest rant about the government in the latest Crock & Murph. Well, I now feel entirely justified.

What I'm about to relate to you,dear listeners, is how the government directly affects YOU, the consumer and consummate ninny that listens to our shows though iTunes. Let me paint the sickening scene:

-Papa logs onto the state revenue service to file his state taxes (GRUMBLE)
-Papa gets distracted by the I Love New York marathon on Vh1 (BEST show on TV, bar none. IT's so good I'm using it to replace my daily news. Sure, there may be a biblical flood coming, but I get all the info I need when Sister Patterson gets all up in Chance's business!)
-papa fills in all the blanks, even the ones that don't apply to him (i.e. earned income)
-Papa fins out he owes the state $12
-Papa hurls half-full highball glass in rage.
-Papa realizes he just threw half a jack n coke on the linoleum floor and begins lapping it up. The dog is not amused.
-Papa curses the government

So there it is., Blame the government for me not being able to renew our LIbsyn account right away. Now, I know what you're saying "Murphy it's only $12 suck it up!" well, NO! You see, my budget for this week included three things: Booze, food, and libsyn. And now that the government has taken that away from me, I'm stuck with only booze and food while you hve to suffer. Now, I know, you wanna know why I can't just NOT drink for a week. Well my "friends" if I answered that honestly you would be so mortified you would turn to stone. And then I'd have a stoned reader. You got any more? Don't hold out on me!

iTunes Delay

(Crock)

We forgot to re-up with our host for the Crock & Murph podcast. That means there will be a slight delay in the availability of our latest show on iTunes. NO worries as you can still grab it on SUYM as a free download.

Here's what happened. Murphy pays for our hosting service with a credit card in somebody else's name. He has this bill set up to automatically email him whenever we need to pay Libsyn (our host). Trouble is, he'd gladly have a gay commitment ceremony in the Magic Kingdom before he's bothered with checking his email. In fact, the only thing he does regularly is wake up. And you know we all have to be a little bit thankful for that.

Long story short, Murph wouldn't let me check his email so he gave the password to somebody he "trusts". This "trustee" checked the mail and is supposed to front us the cash so we can re-up with our gracious host. We'll see how long this takes...